Sexpats, Thai Stereotypes, and the Pleasure in Avoiding Them (the Stereotypes)
January 23rd, 2010
There are always tons of stereotypes for any situation/person/country, and even the best of us can’t help but fall victim sometimes. Indeed, I’d be a lot more nervous going on Jeopardy! if I was up against an Asian kid with glasses than I would against an unshaven dude from Alabama wearing a wifebeater. (Let’s be honest, I’d probably lose to both). But in a country like Thailand, where political correctness has yet to take hold make an appearance, stereotypes are everywhere, and most have to do with ‘the sexpat’. Often times, they’re true, other times, they’re anything but. I know, because I’m (thankfully) a freak when it comes to many of the stereotypes in Thailand.
Now, most stereotypes here deal, inevitably, with the ’sexpat’, but I want to talk first about the stereotypes that Thais have about us foreigners. The basic rule is that most (not all) Thais think that every white person is a) rich and b) Christian. I believe that revealing how far I am from both of these misconceptions might cause either peals of laughter or fits of pity, depending on my audience. Usually, a quick flash of the Buddhist amulet around my neck is enough to convince people of the latter, but it’s pretty difficult to convince any Thai suitably unfamiliar with me that I don’t earn above 250,000 baht per month. If I earned that, I tell them, I would be talking to you on a phone from my Mercedes on the way to the airport to catch a flight to Montenegro for a weekend of un-Christian activities. Quite surprisingly, it’s annoying to be constantly thought of as rich.
Now to the sexpats. This is a topic that is very deep and surprisingly complex. Yes, there are old, fat dudes with young hot women and yes, it’s usually about the money, but it has waaaayyyy to many levels to get into here. It touches all levels of society and many Thais, from beggars to hi-so attention-whores, often think foreigners come here to sleep with as many women as we can while drinking as much liquor as possible. But if I may be so bold, my personal stance (and that of many of my friends) runs completely contrary to this, and may even act as an inspiration to others: it’s possible to lead a (relatively) normal life in Thailand without being sucked into the repetitive dead-end morass of sexpat-ism.
Not seen: huge pile of money.
I have nothing against those who are here to shag and drink their way through every bar from here to Timbuktu; many of my closest friends have done (or are doing) just that; to each their own, but that is just not something I’m into. I wince deeply at the prospect of accompanying a friend to any of Bangkok’s red light districts and having some bored half-naked woman sit beside me out of pure desperation for cash; I can’t think of a less interesting way to spend my time. I have a girlfriend, I don’t cheat on her, so for me, going to a girlie bar is like Stevie Wonder going to a movie. I’ve gotten many a ‘yeah right’ expressions from folks when I told them this, to which my reply was usually: You don’t believe me? Oh noes! Whatever shall I do!? I’m not saying it to impress people; it’s just a fact. What do I care if you don’t believe me?
Stereotypes of this variety also go from Thai-Thai as well – my girlfriend flies into barely-contained berzerker rage when we get into a taxi and the driver asks her which hotel we’re going to, and I often catch Thai people staring at us, likely assuming that she is a prostitute and I am a john. The following fact is a good indication of how deep this prejudice goes: when a Thai and foreigner get married, you have to prove that you love each other before you get a license. How do you do that? “Yes, I love her. I promise.”
Maybe he's blind, and she's showing him to the shallow end...?
Now, I’m not going to get into the whole ‘beauty on the inside’ thing, that’s a whole other post. Maybe the guy above is the funniest, nicest person that girl has ever met and treats her like a queen. But hey, this is a post about stereotypes, so let’s stick to the topic.
At any rate, you have to be prepared to deal with them from all sides here, but I do take a certain level of satisfaction knowing that my life is definitely not like the ones that many assume it is. I have a real job, real friends, and a real girlfriend. Essentially, I have my life in Canada… just in Bangkok.
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Comments
Hey, I enjoyed getting into a cab with you and not being able to speak Thai to the cabbie, and you had to do all the talking! Good stuff. It’s like when my (white, Canadian) prof and I were in Vietnam. She speaks fluent Vietnamese, and everybody was wondering why I wouldn’t answer their questions. I couldn’t!
I probably chime in on too many of your posts, but this is another good one. Prejudices and stereotypes go in every direction. It is bizarre indeed to be asked by random Thai children (and yes, this happens) “white man, how many millions do you have?” You will soon learn, Sir Greg, that speaking Thai brings with it another stereotype: you must have a Thai wife/girlfriend, and that is the reason you speak it well. Harmless, but yet another stereotype. Thais will give you a big “ooooooh, that explains it” type of response. Something to look forward to.
I live in a Thai area in Pattaya now. The first three months here I would go to the markets everyday and (obviously) everyone stares at me, then after a while they started asking questions – the obvious ones first.
Getting interegated thoroughly by the sugar cane juice maker he learned the I learned Thai by listening to Thais (essentially correct) and that I don’t have a wife, girlfriend or a gig and I don’t like bar ladies – to this he gave me a big double thumbs up with a massive grin and in his best English “Good! Good!” (the conversation was in Thai).
And it soon spread across the markets that I was a good man, then they figured out I was an Actor, but that’s another story….
The problem is not really what the sex-tourists are doing, it is more that they are really brazen and public with their disgusting behaviours, not discreet as it should be in (Thai) society. This of course comes from many sex tourists being (i) scumbags in their own country (ii) too stupid to realise that the girls call everyone sexy-man (iii) feeling that they are superior to Thais and Thai culture and not giving it or them any respect.
I guess we can count it as a source of personal pride if we help shatter the stereotypes by being freaks in a freaky land?
Very good read.
There will always be prejudices and stereotypes from every side of the field if you are a falang with a Thai woman. The falang tourist couples will point and whisper and the Thais will pretty much always assume.
When I’m up north With my girl there is no holding hands or public display’s of affection…it’s just not done but in Bangkok and Pattaya any more you see it everywhere even with the young Thais. Things like this are bound to change over time.
It’s always easy for people to put labels on things and even those in the best relationships with the best of intentions will still be looked at in certain ways, as long as you know the score what they think really doesn’t matter.
Speaking of stereotypes – Westerners (especially dumb people) always label me big and stupid, as do many Western educated Thais.
But Thais always think because I am big and muscular I must be successful.
I like the Thai stereotype better.
Greg, First off, we had a blast meeting you tonight. As for this post, we find the sexpat thing to be very very odd. I think a lot of Thais are confused by Patrick and me because I am clearly foreign looking while Patrick is white. Interestingly, many Thais don’t believe that I am American because I look Indian. I end up explaining that my parents are from India and I was born in America and I met Patrick in America. But, I still think people get confused. When my brother was traveling in Malaysia with his white best friend, a lot of people thought that my brother was the taxi driver.
As for stereotypes, we get that in every country. I have had adults ask me how it is that Patrick and I have been married for 8 years because “everyone in America gets divorced.” At the same time, because I look brown, I have had people in western countries start speaking to me slowly and clearly as if I wouldn’t understand English. It irritates me to no extent and is the trouble with being a stranger in a strange land.
Great to meet you guys too, Akila! Always fun meeting fellow lovers of culture and, more importantly, food. So funny that people thought your brother was the taxi driver, but it really goes to show that stereotypes exist in all cultures across all races. It sounds a bit sci-fi, but you know what I’m waiting for? The day we discover aliens. Then at least we’ll stop caring if someone’s black, white, or brown and mostly be concerned if they’re human. Until then, we’ll have to amuse ourselves with funny stories. Stay in touch!
And here I was thinking I was the only “normal” (I mean freaky?) westerner in Thailand! Thanks for the post.
The stereotypes really do come from both sides, even my wife’s parents and her friends have said the most bizarre things about why we must be together and what they expected from us. It’s gotten better over time as they’ve come to know us. But I find the irony in it, I could hardly describe most (but not all) Thai-Thai relationships normal! Sometimes I get confused, which is the reality and which is the stereotype?
Thanks for posting Eddy. I was talking to an old friend who lives in Taiwan and he said it’s much the same there. Although we did settle on the fact that there is a big difference between ’stereotype’ and ‘racism’. Thais thinking that I’m rich and Christian is a stereotype; foreigners thinking Asian’s can’t drive is racist. Thankfully, there are much worse things that being stereotyped.